Old People

Old people are so annoying.

They really are.

Have you ever been in the grocery store and gotten stuck behind an old granny in an aisle because her bitch ass decided to walk at ten inches an hour? What the hell? And your pitiful attempts to get by are useless because her hearing is shot all to hell. So what do you do?

You poke them in the back of the head. Well, not really. But you want to so bad. You just wanna poke their bitch ass heads so hard they fall on the ground so you can get by. They deserve it for walking so god damn slow. Ugh.

Instead, you walk behind them waiting for that one chance, that one single chance where they give you enough wiggle room to get by. But it never materializes. Until they look back and see you, then they go into hyper-drive and literally jump out of the way like they're pole vaulting. Son of a bitch.

Or how about the dumb ones in electronic stores? You know, the kind that stand in front of a row of iPods and ask their grandson "Aren't these nice sweaters?" and the grandson holds back tears of amusement as he tries ever so hard not to laugh and tell her that she is standing in front of a row of iPods. Also known as "iPod Sweaters" to ol' grandma. If granny is so senile she can't tell the difference between an iPod and a sweater, you should leave her ass at home.